All you need to know to run at this city with the velocity of a bull attacking a red cape!

Excuse the irony. It is a truly remarkable city, with impressive architecture, museums, historical sites, that appear never-ending, but do be careful! I had travelled the whole world without ever getting robbed, but in Madrid the pickpockets got me – on an almost empty street coming out of a bar! And to think that a young man got me, me who’s quick to shoo young men away! All very embarrassing. But the vast majority of people I talked to about it (including Madrid locals) said the same thing had happened with them. So do take care, and go out with the bare minimum that you need.

A lot of those above-mentioned Madrid locals (spoken to in bars etc, where finding English speakers is not too difficult) declared that the bars and restaurants of Madrid comprise a key part of the city’s cultural landscape. So, without further ado, here is a summary of my experiences in Madrid’s gay bars, followed by my impressions of the saunas.

HOT BAR

In my opinion, this is the best bar in Madrid. Elsewhere on the internet, I had read that this was a “popular gay bar for bears, mature guys and chubby men”. While there might be some larger men at any given time there, this bar didn’t appear to cater specifically to this crowd at all, but rather just mature-age men in general.

I encountered a lot of hot guys in this bar – but that is of course a question of personal preference. Many men who go there are regular customers. Most are very friendly.

The bar itself is not huge, which makes getting close enough to start a conversation fairly easy. Madrid’s nightlife generally kicks off fairly late, but this bar gets going relatively early. The bar opens at 4pm each day, starts to slowly fill up from about 5pm onwards, and on weekends, if you are not inside the bar before about 8-9pm, expect to queue up outside. The bar stays open until 3am, so doing this will nevertheless be worth your while. As most of the clientele is retired, this bar is open every day.

Great times are just waiting to be had at this bar – whether it be in the main bar area, or the cruising area around the extra tables and stools downstairs, or even in the bathroom where some cruising admittedly takes place as well. I didn’t get to every gay bar in Madrid, as there were too many to visit in my 5 day trip (Wed-Sun), but of those I did visit, this was my favourite. So if you like mature-age men, this is the place to be! The younger-for-older crowd are also likely to have a lot of fun in this place.

NEW INCÓGNITO

Those familiar with my post about Benidorm might recognise that the disco there has the same name and owner as this bar. This one is significantly smaller in size. And no cruising areas. It is a narrow stretch of space which leads to a couple of steps and an elevated platform before the bathroom.

This bar is just around the corner from Hot Bar. And as it gets going a little later, from around 9-10pm, some people do splash over from Hot to New Incógnito, but for the most part there is a surprisingly different crowd there. Same sort of profile as the clientele at Hot, but different people.

Nuevo Incógnito is open from Thursday to Sunday, 8pm – 2am. It’s also a fun bar and worth visiting!

12 Club

I went into this venue very briefly, because someone had cruised me right in front of it. It was about 5pm and fairly empty, so I was able to get a good look around. This place does get busy later on though. I know that because it’s directly across the street from Hot Bar, and I saw a queue waiting to get in there on the weekend too.

The inside area is very nice. It’s more roomy than Hot Bar. There are some nice lounge areas past the bar area encountered at the entrance. The decorations are nice. And, while it may be a bit difficult to find, there is a cruising area downstairs beyond the toilets. There are no somewhat private corners as there are in Hot though. It’s really just one rectangular room. With interesting blue lighting permitting visibility of other people, without taking away from the cruisy atmosphere. Probably great if you’re into group action, but as I said, I wasn’t there when it was full of people, and am therefore unable to provide further commentary than that.

The opening times are 6pm until 3am daily. There appears to be some crossover between the type of crowd found there and found in Hot. But again, to what extent I cannot say. Moving onto something I can speak with more expertise about:

Erotic Palace

I wouldn’t exactly call this place a palace, but I found it very worthy of a visit, or in my case two visits. It’s commonly referred to as a cinema, so consider it a cultural activity if you wish. And there is a lot of ‘culture’ to be found here, not only via the several small porn screens (featuring straight and gay porn – there are a lot of married men to be found in this place), but also via the ‘exhibits’ you can see as you shuffle about from room to room as if you were in a gallery. Hence you’re justified in cutting short your visit to the Prado to pop into this venue for a few hours.

In order to appreciate this view, your eyes will no doubt take a few minutes to adjust to the darker lighting, but after that, though it may be dim, people will be visible enough to decide if you want to do something with them or not. The cabins here are small. A lot of them permit others to look in from the neighbouring cabins. But there are a few that are a bit more private. Other than the small screens spread around the place, there is a larger screen in a more cinema looking room. There are also glory-holes and an area ideal for some small-group action, if that’s your thing.

In terms of clientele: this is a great place for the older-for-older as well as the older-for-younger crowd. It opens at 10am daily, gets going pretty shortly after that, and keeps on going through the afternoon and into the early evening (perhaps even after, but that’s the latest I stayed there – the first visit was in the morning, and the second in the late afternoon/early evening – fairly busy both times).

The address might not appear if you look for it on Google. The address is Calle Desengaño 12, nearby the Gran Via metro station. It actually comprises a part of an Adult Shop. You put 7 euros into the machine at the entrance, and then you can pass through the barrier. If you take a locker (costs 50 cents), you will not be able to access your locker once you are past the entrance barrier, as it will be on the other side. Note: there is a vending machine inside, and I imagine it serves drinks, but it’s too dark to see the buttons or anything else, so be aware that this is not a cinema where you’ll be able to get popcorn. But if the above paragraphs sound appealing to you, then I’m sure you’ll find something better than that there!

Sauna Octopus

I was a bit disappointed by this sauna. It is advertised as a sauna for the older crowd + admirers. Perhaps then, I was expecting it to be as good as Sauna Bruc in Barcelona, which you can read about by clicking here. But it didn’t come close.

I went twice: the first time, I got there at about 3:30pm, and thought I must have missed the morning/early afternoon crowd, as in many saunas mature-age men arrive and leave early. People started to roll in though, and it got somewhat busy by the time I left some 3 hours later. I discovered that in this sauna, unlike others, it only gets going around this time every day. For, on my 2nd visit, I arrived just half an hour after its opening time (10am. Closing time: 12am) and the place was empty.

As far as facilities go: there is a big pool/whirlpool (it’s a pool, but one with water jets like those found in a jacuzzi) which was clean (not a guarantee in a sauna) but could’ve been hotter. From there, you can look through the floor into the bar/cafe area upstairs, and vice-versa, which is kind of cool. The upstairs area also includes several decent-sized cabins. In the downstairs area, there are less cabins, but still a few. The steam room is well setup: a large-ish area in the middle surrounded by a small path around the perimeter with access on both sides for some less visible fun, while being able to peer over the shoulder-height wall to see whatever is happening on the other side. There is also a dry sauna. All the facilities are fine, just somehow not outstanding.

On the day I went there (the first day, as there was practically nobody else there the 2nd day I went, despite it being a Sunday), there were guys of mixed ages. Some were mature-age, sure, but it didn’t appear to be a ‘mature-age sauna’ on that occasion. So the single condom and lube packet (ridiculous – even if many other places hand out this same inadequate entry package) may or may not be used while you are there!

Nuevas Thermas Moratalaz

The better sauna option in Madrid, in my opinion. It’s a very discreet sauna, which should indicate the type of men you’ll likely find there. The clientele is mainly local. It’s not in the centre of the city, but a short trip on the metro to Vinateros station, then to the street/calle Jose del Prado y Palacio 5 – past the ironically located evangelical church, to the white door at the ground floor of the complex with a sign saying ‘elle et lui’ next to it.

The opening times are 11am until 9/10pm depending on the day. Open 7 days, according to Google. I arrived punctually on a Saturday and couldn’t understand why nobody answered the door as I awkwardly lingered around. The employee then arrived at about 11:20, and was welcoming.

The facilities here appear a bit run down on the eye, but it’s all very clean, and everything works well – the steam room and dry sauna at a good temperature: hot, but not so hot that it prevents you from some longer-lasting action in there. There are lots of very spacious cabins in this place.

I didn’t stay more than a couple hours at this sauna, as I got exactly what I wanted very quickly, but in the time I was there, I saw mainly 70+ men, some very hot, with a lot of admirers too, mostly in their 40’s / 50’s. A friend of mine who lives in Madrid and informed me of this place has told me that it stays busy throughout the day.

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SO, I hope this information proves helpful and interesting to you, and equips you well, should you ever wish to travel to Madrid! Despite the pickpockets around, it really is a spectacular city, containing an array of good reasons to visit. As always, if you have any experiences or questions you wish to include in the comments below (anonymously or not), feel free to do so!