The reason our friends (most of them) may be the same type as those we’re sexually charged for.

To start off with a clear example: it’s no secret that I’m attracted to older men. I made this site as a direct result of that. Now I’m lucky to have many good friends in my life, with no sexual intimacy involved. Nevertheless, many of those friends happen to be mature-age men. Is this a coincidence?

Let’s go onto a different example in the endeavour of finding out.

Fortunate as I may have been in life, I do not know David Attenborough personally. Though I would very much like to! And that’s the reason he serves as a good example here.

He’s clearly a charming man, as one can see by the way he leaves the actress Cameron Diaz looking smitten here. And he’s so knowledgeable, that if you had him at your dinner table, you’d have a hard time doing anything but look at him the way Nicole Kidman looks at Stephen Fry here. Stephen Fry who, incidentally, is yet another man well over his mid-century mark with whom sex would not be on the cards, but whose friendship would be jumped at. Perhaps this is due to these elements of personality which I think foster themselves to greater extents the older one grows.

For, though I wish all the best to older men who truly have the younger-acting spirit and disposition they claim to have, I am simply not drawn to them. I like old men who act like old men, be it as a lover or a friend. And though I’ve used two high-profile figures in the example above for the sake of easy recognition, this applies to all those great average-joes (with better names than Joe) that I’ve come across in my time.

This blurred line between our preferences for friends and lovers will have been made apparent to all those experiencing the wish for one and the reality of the other. For nothing defines a lover’s characteristics as clearly as the unfulfilled desire for them. And, comical as the above image/text may slightly be, it alludes to the many who have had the hots for someone, but moved past it due to friendship formed and the step into the abovementioned ‘friend zone’. Does that deem us just creatures of habit though? There’s a good friend of mine whom I disagree with on this point, because I’m crazy to get into bed with him and see no hurdle arising from us being good mates, as we live geographically apart, meanwhile he declares that he never would have let me in so far if sex was going to happen, and now wouldn’t risk the damage he thinks it’d cause to our friendship. Don’t cry for me: weep!

But there is often a type of chemistry among friends that all this points to, that even my friend admits through his gritted false teeth (hot), with words originating from somewhere within the soft and sensitive insides of his cactus-like outer layer. Perhaps it’s a sexual awareness, an intellectual thrill, relatable background/ burdens, or some other case of mixed chemistry that friendship can comprise, on the rich tapestry of human connection made ever more special by the inherent complexities it can overcome, wherein very little pertains to the colours of black and white.

So, go and give a good friend of yours a big hug, and don’t be worried if it moves something within you. And feel free to comment below!