How to behave (or misbehave) once you’ve made your way inside.

I’ve met a few men over the years who have told me it’s their first time in the sauna. Whether that’s just been something they’ve said to make the encounter more significant (which worked – they’ve stuck out in my memory) I don’t know, but it’s everyone’s first time at some point, so why not.

Saunas can be very hot and exciting places. With that said, there are certainly right and wrong ways of conducting yourself in there – and as someone who has frequented various saunas over the years, I have seen many examples of both and can thus give the following info/tips.

Q: How do I pick up a man in the sauna?

It begins with the eyes. There is a lot to be said in a flicker of the eyes. Let’s set a scenario:

You are in the dry sauna, and you see someone you like. You glance over their way – just enough to be noticed. If the interest is reciprocated, the man is likely to glance back at you.

Perhaps physical contact ensues. You sit a bit closer to him – you don’t need to make this too subtle: he knows what you’re doing and why. Maybe you touch his leg slowly (no need to rush – allow time for sensuality and a decision to be made as to whether he likes it and wants it to continue – sudden, hasty movements are a definite no-no), then see how his body opens up/how he reacts.

Maybe after getting started you suggest going to one of the rooms in the sauna for a more private affair.

Q: Should I talk to people when I’m in the sauna?

Yes!

Another great way to pick-up someone you like is just to talk to them – particularly in the case of a mature-age man. Sure, it may be that this doesn’t result in sex – but a conversation is good in and of itself, as you break down barriers and get to know people (many others are likely to chime in – which can be a good thing).

One of the reasons I enjoy saunas is that the relaxed ambience experienced after stripping off your clothes, the outside world, and wrapping a towel around you, allows for great chit-chat and sense of community to develop (after going to the same sauna a few times, you might get to know a few familiar faces). And while partaking in conversation isn’t synonymous to wanting sex, it lets people feel more comfortable with you, from which wanting to get intimate can ensue. A great ice breaker can lead to hot things.

What can I expect in going to a sauna?

You usually pay the entry fee upfront. Other costs at a sauna can include (though this is all often provided free) a buck for a towel, another buck if it’s drenched and you want to swap it for a new towel, flip-flops to rent, and condoms/lube. Any food/drinks you consume will be paid for on your way out.

I usually bring a backpack containing: a big bottle of water, my own flip-flops, a comb, and a little pouch-type bag for condoms and a tube of lube. The reasons for some of these objects ought to be obvious. The last one is important because, even if the sauna provides lube, they often come in square packets that are like condom packets but more impossible to open, and endeavouring to do so can really interrupt a moment and cause an erection to fly away. I prefer to pay for a towel (if it’s one of the few saunas that charges extra for the first one) than bring my own, as taking a wet towel home is not ideal.

You will receive a key to a locker. Store your belongings in there – including all your clothes. That locker key will be attached to an arm band – put it on and under no circumstances take it off. I have taken mine off a few times and, with my mind racing after a fuck, have almost lost it (which, even if the locker room is the only area with surveillance, is stressful and potentially problematic).

After you’ve done that, wrap your towel around yourself, have a quick shower, and you’re ready to explore the area – usually there is a dry sauna, a steam room, a jacuzzi, perhaps a little pool, some little rooms amidst a cruising area, one or more porn lounges, and a dark room (not my thing, as I like to see who I’m getting involved with, but to each their own), and a sling. There will also most likely be a food/ drinks area, with more innocent TV programs like the news, and, depending on the sauna, some people might be on their phones there, but they certainly won’t be permitted to take their phones anywhere else within the sauna.

The most important expectation though, is that which you ought not to set: the expectation for sex. If it comes, great! And it may. But many people get upset/frustrated after investing too much hope in having sex there, and having that hope unsatisfied. There is a certainty that you will be able to relax and enjoy the facilities there. Some saunas even have a professional masseur on site. And good conversation is a strong likelihood – these are expectations that are easier to guarantee, and thus I recommend setting your focus on them.

Are saunas clean?

One answer for all saunas is clearly impossible, but the vast majority of saunas I have visited have been very clean.

I often suss out the crowd there and what they are doing in the jacuzzi before I decide to use that particular facility. I have seen people having penetrative sex in the water a couple of times, which is just awful, as it ruins it for everyone, when there are ample other places for them to carry out those activities, and hence often signposted rules against this practice. At my local sauna though, I have no qualms in using the jacuzzi. For me it’s just about making a judgement, with a conservative approach, due to a few bad sightings amidst innumerable sauna visits.

But, if your key concern regarding cleanliness relates to the risk of infections/diseases: this is a question not of location, but of practice. Having sex a hundred times with a condom is less risky than having it once without. And that concept can be applied to other sexual practices also. If you use the light made available to you (that is meant literally), then any reasons to abstain from certain acts are usually visible, in case you’re not told upfront. An extra point: saunas often provide free condoms and lube, plus have signs advocating safe sexual health practices all around the place – that’s not how most houses I’ve been to are decorated.

What are the no-no’s in a sauna?

• Trying to grab/grope people as they walk by.
• Chasing too intensely (there will be people you are just left speechless by – but if they don’t show reciprocated interest, just let them go. More advice on that here).
• Peering under or over a cabin door at others having sex.

This all might seem obvious, but it can happen. Hopefully it’s not perpetuated by you! Everyone is just wanting to have a good time – but that means different things for different people.

How can I say ‘no’ to somebody in a sauna?

Simply saying ‘no thanks’ usually suffices. Remember to be polite. Consider it flattery that the person was into you. It’s normal that you’re not going to like everyone that likes you, and vise-versa.

A simple wave of the finger/hand as a non-verbal way to say ‘thanks but no thanks’. If you are involved in some action in a dry sauna/other open area, and an onlooker makes an advance to join in (which is fine, as long as it’s not hasty/rushed), this silent way of saying ‘no’ (so as to not disrupt the moment) might be ideal.

You are of course not obliged to do anything you don’t want to do in the sauna. You’re there to have a good time and nothing else!

An anecdotal story:

I was at the sauna the other day and saw a very handsome chap I’d never seen before. I tried to strike up conversation with him by asking how his day was going or something or other, and was offended when he didn’t even bother to give a one word answer.

I deemed it rude, but got over it and decided to just let him be. It was therefore with great surprise that an hour or so later he came to make a move on me. After great sex in a private room I softly asked him: ‘why didn’t you respond when I spoke to you earlier?’ It turns out he was half deaf and had just completely missed it. The sauna can be full of surprises. I really like them and hence urge you to go and enjoy yourself! They are not just a youngens’ playground; there are many friendly oldies to be found there.

If you have any questions I haven’t addressed, or wish to leave a comment, feel free to write it in the box below! Thanks